I caught you lookin' in my shitter door
And then your foot was tapping on the floor
Uh, oh, the badge was shown.

You sat the crapper and you flexed your hand
I think you meant to take another man
Gone, gone, the badge was shown.

You swing the dong because you love the man
Your constituents won't understand
You milk studs, to keep from coming out.

I've seen your wide stance and your footsie fun
A little senator for everyone
And every fundie wants to meet your son.

Well if the Decider is getting his ass scoped tomorrow, then I know what he's doing tonight. He's sitting on the Camp David shitter, emptying his colon of any obstructions. Sort of like disposing with obstructions of justice, except using his ass instead of a pardon.

See, I had my first colonoscopy last year. As everyone else who's had one will tell you, the procedure itself is a breeze. (OK, a methane breeze, but still.) They even give you amnesia medicine so you forget the whole damn thing.

No, the bad part is the DAY BEFORE your colonoscopy. That's when you get to experience the unbound joy of medically-induced diarrhea. Because the doctor, in his or her role as an impartial judge of your ass, must get a clear view of the "facts before the court." For example, if he tries to look up your ass and his view is blocked by Scooter Libby, then that is an obstruction.

(continued down the backside)

Here's the story on MSNBC and here's the roll call vote.

The vote only failed 217-209. Enough Democrats, including my infuriating Blue Dog Rep. Mike Ross, voted to keep FourthBranch's office funded.

I'd say any Democrat who voted against this amendment needs to be flooded with calls and letters tomorrow. I'll be calling Mike Ross bright and early tomorrow, and using terms such as "constitutional crisis," "FourthBranch," and "primary."

These Blue Dogs have got to be primaried. I am sick of DINO's hiding behind the term "Blue Dog" when it effectively means "Bush Democrat."

Yeah, so this isn't breaking news or anything, but it's funny as shit. CNN's Kyra Phillips was anchoring during Bush's Katrina speech, and while he was babbling, she went to the bathroom to freshen up. And left her microphone on, ala Frank Drebin.

While Bush goes on about levees, Kyra starts unzipping things and gossiping about her brother and sister-in-law. In fact, everyone in the world now knows that Kyra Phillips' sister-in-law is a control FREAK, because she said it during the president's speech.

Finally the hilarity ends when someone rushes in and says "Kyra? Your microphone's on!"

Crooks and Liars has the video.

As luck would have it, my wife and I have landed, temporarily, in a place we never expected to live. Oklahoma. It's a long story, but in a nutshell, we sold our home out west before the housing market crashes, and we're still looking for our idyllic energy-efficient hippy place. But we had to stay somewhere in the meantime, and family had a vacant place in Tulsa, so here we are.

We've met some excellent people here, but we've met others who are just jaw-dropping, fuck-all stupid. Dumb as a bag of hammers. Maybe it has something to do with the churches on every freaking street corner. (Including one in a strip-mall called "Dominion Chapel."

Anyway, we're going to be here a few months, and the law says you have to get a new driver's license within one month. Sigh. We have to become actual citizens. So we head off to the Oklahoma Department of Public Safety to get processed.

No, it's not from The Onion. Jeb Bush installed the new Florida House Speaker last week by giving him a golden sword from his mystical Chinese warrior friend Chang.

Think Progress also has an article with a photo of the fucking sword.

And of course there are some choice quotes from Jeb:

Today I got banned from two sites -- Free Republic and Daily Kos -- with only five words.

The amazing thing is that I didn't have to write anything at all on Kos to get banned. All I had to do was compliment another writer with a "Recommend" and BAM! I had lost my beloved online home by simply clicking a button.

I was guilty by association. I didn't agree with everything the writer said, but I thought it was intriguing enough for further discussion. Well, think again, Hippy. I ended up groveling before Markos and asking for my privileges back, just so I could defend myself. (And seriously, thank you Markos for letting me back in.) But I don't appreciate being labeled a "conspiracy theorist" with no way to respond.

Here's one guaranteed to make you say either "Ewwwwwww!" or "Dude, WTF?"

The Guardian reports that Antonin Scalia says we should be supporting orgies because they relieve tension.

So if you're all tense and cranky because you lost your civil rights, just drop your drawers and bend over, baby, because Antonin's drivin'.

This also makes you wonder how they manage all those Supreme Court orgies, what with an odd number and all. Somebody must be getting a reach-around.

I just saw this poor woman on CNN. It was part of a bigger news package about the deep divisions in the country, but the video of Sue Niederer getting wrestled into a police van is what got to me.

There are lots of things that anger me profoundly about this election, but this is the first one that's moved me to this extent. That poor woman seemed so alone. She looked like she was crying as much for her country as she was for her son. It was heartbreaking.

The image of a grieiving mother, who only wanted to speak her mind, getting wrangled and handcuffed by police is one of the strongest images I've seen in a long time. Throw in the crowd drowning her out with "Four more years" while Stepford Laura babbled, and it was downright creepy.

We've got to get Sue Niederer on TV. On talk shows, at rallies, everywhere. She's the new Lila Lipscomb, and people will listen to her. She looks like everyone's mother or grandmother, and she has the strongest story of all -- a mother's grief.

She's begging the country to listen to her story; we should do everything in our power to make it happen. Hers is a voice people will listen to.

Here's a quick update on the Fox News porn graphic -- now there is video available.

Three different versions can be gotten here. WARNING -- it's pornographic!

Also note the counter at the bottom of the page. This page only went up last night, and it's already pushing 100,000 views.

Anyway, sorry for the semi-repeat, but I thought you'd all want to grab a copy of the video before this poor guy's bandwidth gets hammered.

And PLEASE ... don't forget to think of the CHILDREN!!! ;)

OK, this is my first diary, so I hope I'm not breaking any rules. If I am, please go all Cheney on my ass and ban me or whatever. But I think you guys will get a huge kick out of this.

Anyway. Apparently last night Fox News ran a promo ad for the Neil Cavuto show, dealing with the Supreme Court porn ruling. And they used a screenshot from some porn site in the ad. But whomever did the editing forgot something. They blurred out the girl's boobs, but totally forgot the huge penis penetration. Here's the screenshot someone took from Fox. Remember, it's pornographic! Be careful!

And if you want to see some hilarious comments, there's a thread about it on Fark.com. Again, I'm sorry if I offended anyone. I thought you'd enjoy it.