The Time Machine

Keith Olbermann says that with a time machine we could go back and revisit the vote to authorize. We could chastise whomever we liked. We could be heroes.

I love the idea of a time machine. It's so much fun to imagine what you'd see by traveling into the past. History in the making, moments of personal importance and visions of days gone by come to mind.

This time around though I might use the time machine for a different kind of adventure.

First I'd go back to Midland, Texas in 1956. I'd find the stupidest kid in the fifth grade and smack him upside the head.

Then I'd go to Philips Andover Academy in 1965, find the stupidest boy in the school and smack him upside the head.

Then I'd go to Yale University in 1967, find the stupidest frat boy in the school and smack him in the mouth.

Then I'd go to the early 1970s in Midland, Texas, find the drunkest, stupidest guy in the state and kick him in the butt, again and again and again. And I'd give him a wedgie.

Then  to 1988 to get a Texas Ranger pitcher to bean the fucker.

Then I'd go to lunch.